Do's and Don'ts of Texting Someone You Like (2023) (2023)

Shake your nerves like a champ and send a message to your crush

A text message from your crush makes your heart beat faster.

You pick up the phone and start throwing something out that will convince them how amazing you are and make them fall in love with you, but the first thing you come up with is too serious. You try again - this time so stupidly. The next thought was fucking stupid. You're not going anywhere, and your crush thinks you're forcing them to read. what can you do?

Texting with a person in love is a study in contrasts. It can be very exciting and make you feel like you're floating on clouds, but it can also be very awkward, anxiety-inducing and make you question your thoughts about the true reason for your existence when you're all alone.

To help you get the most out of texting someone you like, AskMen spoke to five dating experts to find out why it's a potentially annoying experience, what to do and what to doNODo it. Here's what they had to say:

Why texting someone you like can be stressful

As great as texting when someone you like is doing well, it can also make you feel completely over the edge. But why?

"We all get nervous talking to our crushes, even at the best of times, so it's perfectly normal to feel the same when communicating online," says sex and relationship expert Kerri Middleton.bath friend"If anything, it can add to the stress because you can't see their physical reaction!"

She continued by adding, "As humans, we are programmed to form relationships with other people, so the fear of rejection runs deep."

Well, when it comes to texting, waiting for a response without face or body prompts can be annoying.

"When we see '...", we begin to doubt, and that can lead us down an irrational path," Middleton said. "It's important to recognize this and remember that it's just a conversation!"

Connell Barrett, founder and author of Dating Transformationdating sucks but you don't, believing that all the pressure came from the need to make the message "very witty, funny [and] cool".

"You basically feel like your writing has to be perfect, and that's a high bar to beat," he told AskMen. "It was more like walking a tightrope than sending a funny, flirty message."

Tips for texting someone you like

How exactly do I make it work? Let's dive into some real advice.

ask questions

One of the worst things you can do while talking to someone is keep the conversation going. If all you can do is write and talk about yourself, even someone who has a crush on you can get bored pretty quickly.

Work insteadask questionsin your footsteps.

"It's always nice to have someone who is interested in you, especially if you are interested in them!" Middleton said. "Whoever it is, it's always nice to get a text asking 'how are you?

Asking more unique questions can also be a way to stand out and make the conversation more interesting, says Barrett.

"Instead of asking "How was your day?" or "How are you?", ask deeper or more specific questions," she advises. "What was the tastiest food you ate all weekend?" or "What was the coolest thing that happened to you today?"

Or you can ask more thoughtful, personal questions about who you really like about someone, according to "Private parts unknownpodcast. If you're talking about something you both have in common, this can be a great source of conversation: "Is there a movie you both want to watch, a teacher you hate, or a game you both play?" "she says.

do not overload them

On the other hand, you can write too much. As Alexandra says, "If they're just texting and you're sending a paragraph, slow down."

Maybe they've been texting as long as you, but there's a bigger gap between them. If so, it may just be their style - or they may be working on something else, Barrett noted.

"Don't worry if someone you like doesn't respond to a message right away," he said. "They're probably busy. Give them some time to respond."

If that's what you're concerned about, it might be time to put your phone down completely, says Alexandra's co-founder and co-host Courtney Kocak. She suggests taking a break and using this time (and anxiety energy) to tick off a few things from your to-do list: "Make the bed, do the laundry, send important work emails, get out of the house. Then after a few hours, you can check your phone again and you might be pleasantly surprised to receive a text message from someone you like."

Use emojis, photos, memes and voice memos

Is there anything more boring than a plain wall of text?

Using visuals to spice up a conversation can be a great way to make it more interestingIHelp replace some of the magic lost when talking to someone face to face. Barrett suggests sending funny gifs and memes andTian's Flash Dragon, Co-founderSex Work Survival Guideis a big fan of emojis.

"I love using emoticons when texting people I like to show facial expressions they can't see," she says. "Sometimes they even replace certain words to be playfully sexy."

related: Sexiest Emojis (and How to Use Them)

For that matter, many phones and apps now have features that let you send voice messages, he notes.

"Voice messaging can be a sexy way to text someone and express your personality with your tone of voice - it can be exciting even if it's just a simple message."

Use voice memos here too to find a midpoint between texting and calling if that seems too intimidating (or dated) at first.

don't play mind games

Unfortunately, many people start playing games when they are worried about their crushmind gameswith them. While it's understandable to confuse or ignore your crush in order to feel less vulnerable and more in control, it's not a good long-term strategy.

"Don't be passive-aggressive," says Kocak. "Stay straight. If you want a date, ask them out. Don't try to make an appointmentIText misconceptions about asking you out are common, don't complicate things by playing mind games or manipulating the outcome. "

Similarly, says Barrett, if you like someone, you should show it: "Let them know you like them by giving them specific compliments. It can be as simple as saying something after they make you laugh [like]." I really like your sense of humor.'"

well thought out

It's possible to think through a text, but one way to text your crush is to think not about a single text, but about the whole process.

"Before you touch your phone to send a message, ask yourself how you feel," advises GlittersaurusRex. "What is your emotional and mental state? Have you had a stressful day or do you have a tight jaw? Bombarding with nervous external and internal triggers. Try to recognize where the tension is coming from and then help release it before flirting with your crush.

In the meantime, Kocak advises being honest about your goals: "Think about what you want to accomplish with texting," he says. "Are you going to go on a date? Initiate a virtual flirt? Check if they like you? Focusing on one goal can help reduce pre-text tension."

don't overdo it

Aside from texting too much and overwhelming your crush, you can also overwhelm them by texting them, well, too intensely.

"Doing too much with the person you like in pursuit of a sexual relationship with excessive compassion and attention" - aka simplicity - is a no-no for GlittersaurusRex. It also means not sending them the most intimate thoughts and feelings you've ever had unless you both agree to that intimacy.

"Don't try too hard," Alexandra agrees. "I hope they already like you for who you are so trying too hard will ruin it [and don't] act closer than you - all I can say to my friends when I'm a clown is 'yes' Landing with a new obsession in the same way".

have fun

Ultimately, text flirting should be a fun experience - otherwise why bother?

"Don't think about it too much," Kocak said. “Of course texting someone you like can be annoying, but it's really no big deal. There's no crisis, you're just flirting. Text is a stress-free form of communication, try having fun with it."

Definitely don't be afraid to text first, she adds: "Exposing yourself to the outside is bad. Forget about potential rejection and remember that it's fun to pursue what you want. Focus more on engaging people you're really interested in. Excitement instead of anxiety or stress about what's to come."

Not very pornographic or R rated

On a more serious note, getting too sexual before the other person is ready for it can cut off a pleasant flirtation very quickly.

"When flirting, stick to G or PG," advises Barrett, while Middleton advises against texting too late as it can lead to "messages you don't want to send."

Most importantly, if one or both of you are under the age of 18 or without the consent of the other person, sending nude photos is a major no-no.

"DoNOSend onepenis picturesUnless explicitly requested,” explains GlittersaurusRex. “Conversely, don't pressure or make someone feel obligated to reciprocate. "

Such behavior is not only illegal and inappropriate, but also a form of serious vandalism. If it's going to be sexy, you have to accept that it's not something you can force or pressure, but it has to happen organically, according to your own schedule.

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